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Wine: How classy people get trashed.
Is it called NASCAR because that’s the way a hillbilly pronounces “nice car?”
My friend works at the morgue and apparently tonight is open mike night.
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
Sö î hèãrd ÿôu lìkê gùÿš with ácçeñts?
I was a huge tomboy. Like, I had barbies, but only because my ninja turtles needed bitches.
I’m always frank with my sexual partners. Don’t want them knowing my real name.
I`m not sure it`s possible to fill a moving truck these days without the word "Tetris" being brought into the conversation.
I think I just discovered Newton’s third law of Emotion: ..... "For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction."
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn`t have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
Apparently 50% of people prefer pizza to sex. What is wrong with people? Have they never had pizza?
Oh the weather outside is frightful, And this booze is damn delightful