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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
Life isn`t a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, chances are you are going to walk home barefoot.
if I was a bird, I know who I´d poop on first.
Here`s to ignoring our real problems and getting outraged about something on the internet.
Success is 1% inspiration, 98% perspiration and 2% attention to detail.
I found out last night that the only thing worse than waking up 3 times to pee is sleeping right through it.
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
I don’t understand shark movies I mean just get out of the water.
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
My son said he went potty and I asked if it was number one or number two. He said number 7,,, and now I`m terrified to go into the bathroom.
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
Notice how writers don’t rewrite books, how about we stop remaking movies.
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.