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Relax,,, We`re all crazy.. It`s not a competition.
My greatest talent is being able to watch 5 years worth of a TV shows in one week.
I wonder if I´ll ever be mature enough to use a stud finder without first pointing it at myself and saying "there´s one."
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
There should be an observation deck at Walmart.
"There`s strength in numbers" I whisper to my 9th slice of pizza.
Beauty is only a light switch away...
Due To ObamaCare and the poor economy Holiday Cheer this year will be distributed in Shot Glasses...
I fell asleep with infomercials playing on the TV.... I woke up with a strange desire to do P90X with a Shake Weight while in my Snuggie
Darn right I’m good in bed. ...I can sleep for days.
"You`re so cute!" works as a response to anything my girl says 99% of the time when I`m not listening which is 99% of the time.
I`m astounded at how fast my "I survived Ebola" t-shirt got me to the front of the Black Friday lines this year..
I have heard of women that aren`t crazy, but I`ve also heard of Unicorns.
Defies physics: I eat half a pound of food, `purge` 1 pound of it, and then gain five pounds because of it-- WTF?
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds.