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I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking??
Friends are like boobs... Some are real some are fake.
There are no bad photos. That’s just how you look sometimes.
Girls are like guitars: easy to strum, hard to tune
Dear Santa, I was framed!
I just bought Velcro shoes.... What a rip off!
My doctor is getting really tired of me asking if the stuff I see in commercials is right for me.
I remember 2011 like it was yesterday. ;)
I finally stopped caring what other people think. I hope everyone’s ok with that.
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
Today is that day where anything you read online could be totally made up. Oh, wait, that`s every day.
This might be the worst online counseling site ever.
Has anybody seen my keys? they`re awesome.
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.
The "Beware of Cat" sign posted outside my house doesn`t seem to be having the desired affect.