Mobile App Coming Soon - Daily Silly Status

Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

I just want someone who will love me for the a$$hole that I am ;)
Doing pretty good so far on my 1500 calorie a day diet as long as I don`t eat anything else today and tomorrow.
I hope I never get to the age when my body can forecast the weather.
I always carry a lighter in case I end up at an impromptu concert...or need to set someone`s house on fire. Either way, I`m prepared.
I just want to buy an old Mercedes Benz,so people will think I have been rich for a long time.
I don`t exactly have a "to do" list. I have what you might call "If I ever log off Facebook and feel like getting around to doing it" list.
I wonder how long I’d be on hold if my call wasn’t important to them...
When googling something, I always use Caps Lock so that the people from Google know it`s urgent.
looong and hard, yep thats my pencil.
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
β€œThat’s funny” is something I say when I can’t even fake a laugh.
You want to see Americans become activists? Cancel a TV show they like.
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!