Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My girlfriend thinks I`m a stalker. . . . well. . . she`s not exactly my girlfriend yet.
I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
that moment when autocorrect decides to ruin you and makes a text incredibly awkward.
I’m glad you’re learning to laugh at yourself. That was kind of getting awkward for the rest of us.
I’m an only child, and I’m still not the favorite.
From now on when someone asks you where you`re from look them dead in the eye and say: Planet Venus.
Revenge is not in my plans. You`ll f*ck yourself on your own.
Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I`d have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again.
If today were a fish, I`d throw it back.
I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
Last night I was thrown out of the casino for misunderstanding the use of the Crap table.
Doctor: How`s your headache? Me: She`s out of town.
The Swiss must’ve been pretty confident in their chances of victory if they included a corkscrew in their army knife.
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.