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There should be a day in between Saturday and Sunday.
Fun Fact: Even though they call it a "man hole", you can shove women and children down it just fine.
You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
I`ll bet I`m the only one in this grocery store with "sh!t for tacos" on my shopping list.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
You know you`re desperate for an answer when you look on the second page of Google.
Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year`s resolutions.
I put the hot in psychotic.
Every day is St. Patrick`s Day when you`re a drunk who likes to pinch people.
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.
If Wal-Mart ends up selling mortgages, the trailer market will explode.