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Note to self: It`s time to grow up, be responsible, and act like an adult. Self to Note: Shut the f*ck up.
Laugh if you will but this night-light has an undefeated record at repelling Boogeymen.
Happy "Another excuse to drink" Day!
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
Maths teacher: If you have 12 chocolates and you give 5 to Mary, 3 to Claire and 2 to Elizabeth then what will you get? Me: 3 new girlfriends.
Studies show that people with high sex drives also tend to be very forgetful. Did I tell you guys that already?
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
Reckon the first person to make popcorn by accident probably ran away
I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
I really don`t know what the big deal is about Black Friday. I black out every Friday....
"That`s close enough..." ~Government worker
I just spent a lot of time trying to form a thought when it would`ve been easier to just say, "F*ck it."
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...