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Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
I`m a good singer. Unfortunately I have a bad voice.
Practice safe text – use commas and never miss a period.
I won`t be impressed with technology until I can download food.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I`ve likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
I sleep better naked.. why can´t the flight attendants understand this?
Every time I start to feel happy I remember the shingles virus is already inside me.
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
I love finding money in my clothes. It’s like a gift to me ... from me.
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
If she is still able to walk to the kitchen after s@x , you don`t deserve a sandwich.
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll probably be like, “Hey, remember when you used to just give me fish?”
My own personal hell sounds great, actually