Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
Ideal roommate: Someone not smart enough to know they are paying 80% of the rent.
Married 24 years now. All I recall about my wedding day is something about death.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
I`m pretty sure apple kid below needs help..
Getting up in the morning is like writing an essay. You want to do it, it takes a lot of effort, and you usually quit halfway through.
Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.
Been there, done that. allegedly
"Omg. Why does this store have so many naked pictures of me?"... "Sir those are mirrors, and we`re gonna have to ask you to leave."
Balloons are so weird... "happy birthday, here`s a plastic sack of my breath"
Saying "cool" also means, I don`t give a sh!t.
Gaining weight while you owe me money is a sign of disrespect.
Sorry, I didn’t mean to text you a graphic description of my explosive diarrhea. Stupid autocorrect.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.
It was so cold out today i actually saw a few gangsters with their pants pulled up.