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Empty your medicine cabinet and put another mirror in there. Scares the hell out of snooping house guests.
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
My wife`s credit cards were stolen last week. I haven`t reported it yet though...because so far, they are spending less than she was.
If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and barks like a pig, then I probably took too many pills.
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.
If you love someone, let them go, if they don`t come back..... Set them on fire *evil grin*
Are the unmarried employees at Kraft known as the Kraft Singles?
Why can`t someone look at me the same way I look at pizza?
I can`t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
Every pair of panties can be a thong if your a$$ is big enough.
48 states observe daylight savings time. The other two clock block.
Aaron Hernandez`s next jersey is going to be a jailhouse jumpsuit!
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...