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A zombie apocalypse sounds even worse when you consider all those smoke detectors beeping for battery changes.
Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.
An awkward morning beats a boring night.
Somebody has to be awesome…might as well be me.
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
I wouldn`t want lesbian parents. Not because I`m homophobic. I just don`t want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
I’m mad, but not as mad as someone asking to see the rules in the middle of a monopoly game.
If you can´t amaze people with your intelligence, confuse them with your bullsh*t
i just caught a disease so rare that even i dont have it .
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
I hear voices ... and they don`t like you.
my mom and I have so much in common..she doesn`t listen and niether do I :p
I`m flattered that you took time out from your lack of a life to judge mine.
My ID expired so I can only go to the liquor store where they remember me: The one where I asked the cashier out and threw up on the floor.
I don`t know karate, but I do know crazy, and I`m not afraid to use it.