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Warning: this life contains strong language, adult situations and nudity.
“Why is life so hard?” – Me, trying to open a jar of peanut butter.
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
If I drunk text you and you`re sleeping, don`t text me in the morning. That ship has sailed.
If A-B-C-D didn’t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn’t have to be so rushed.
I’m so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
That awkward moment when you tell your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson.
Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
If someone tells you `I love you` but you don`t feel the same way and don`t wanna make it awkward just say `I love YouTube` really fast
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
After a night of heavy drinkin’ there’s one thing I can’t stand… and that’s up.
Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"
Thanks for posting pics of what you had for dinner, the suspense was f*cking killing me.
I test drove a car last month. Apparently, you`re not supposed to keep the car for a month. At least that what this cop is telling me.