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You can`t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that`s kind of the same thing.
If you`ve never put fake blood capsules in your mouth before going to the dentist you are too mature to be my friend.
If you want your wife or girlfriend to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
The problem with working from home is the absence of sexual harassment.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
nothing says i love you like, "im going to buy you new duct tape for your taillight, what color you want? "
I`m so hot I stalk myself ;)
How do nudist clean their glasses?
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
You can call someone who makes prosthetics a professional body builder
On the bright side, it’s Friday Eve Eve Eve.
Apparently, "Giant ones" is not the appropriate response to the question, "What are the steps you would take in the event of an emergency?"
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
I only drink coffee because cocaine is too expensive.
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking