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Do not treat a woman like an object. It hates that...
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
I f*cking hate you. Hope that clears things up.
Women`s magazines are so funny. 1: You`re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
Alcohol goes in ... Happiness comes out.
I`ve grown up a lot recently. For example, I used to drink beer all day and now I drink wine.
I just responded to a text message with: I can`t hear you, you`re breaking up.
Don’t you hate when the whole bus is empty, but some guy sits right next to you? I know you do. That’s why I do it.
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
TRUE FRIENDSHIP: Walking into a persons house and your wifi connects automatically.
one day a man seen a fairy, and asked.... could you make me irresistible to all women.... so she turned him into a credit card. :`D
I don`t care how old I am, if I go out to eat and there are crayons and paper placemats with puzzles... game on!
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
My ex was an absolute treasure and by treasure I mean you`ll need a shovel and map to find him.
No really I`m fine, I have drugs and alcohol to block out reality, but thanks anyway...