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When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
Helpful Tip : The police never think it`s as funny as you do.
Did you know that if you light a candle under the moonlight and you say 3 times the name of the person you love, you will look really stupid doing that!
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.
As I slid my finger slowly down her G string, I thought to myself "this is a nice guitar"
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
Paintball is much more fun when the other people at Walmart don’t know we are playing.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
Cop: Sir what is in the bottle next to you? Man: It`s water *hands the cop the bottle* Cop: Sir, this is wine. Man: Jesus did it again!
I’m usually that person who has no idea what’s going on.