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I`m not really your friend until I start insulting you on a daily basis.
So, when is this Old Enough To Know Better thing supposed to kick in?
I just got the results of my IQ test. It came back negative.
I hate when the person I Facebook-stalk never updates anything.
I don`t want to be bothered with stupid $h!t today. What is stupid $h!t? Anything I don`t want to be bothered with.
Handle every stressful situation like a Dog.....Pee on it and walk away.
If you have a parrot and you don’t teach it to say,”Help, they’ve turned me into a parrot” ...you`re wasting everybody’s time.
Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes.
Do you know what’d look good on you? Me
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
My parents weren`t exercising all of those nights.
I don’t like country music, but I don’t mean to denigrate those who do... And for those who like country music, denigrate means ‘to speak badly of`.
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public,…Why don’t you ever smile in my pictures?
This is odd?!?! The hour we lost this weekend was the one when I was planning to go to the gym.