Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
This headache feels like dumb people
I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
Found out today your supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, not a jelly stain. Sorry lady at waffle house....just trying to help.
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
Ever update an app and realize the "fixed issues" were all a lie and it will never be the same? That`s what going back to an ex is like.
I was sitting on the toilet when the guy in the stall next to me started smoking. Disgusting. I nearly couldn`t finish my sandwich.
I`m not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them.
ATTENTION: Upon further consideration, I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
I just bought a medical alert bracelet that says ... "Probably just sh!tfaced."
It`s amazing how tired I get from how little I do.
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
Just once, I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f*ck..."
Running away doesn`t help your problems, unless you`re fat. Then yeah, run away.