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There would be fewer problems with children if they had to chop wood to keep the television set going.
Most people decide to have scramble eggs immediately after thinking: "I`ll just flip this omelette"
It is amazing how a nice pair of boobs can hide serious flaws and signs of mental illness until after you marry them!
There really should be awards for getting out of bed.
I’m “had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn’t pick up and start dialing” years old.
How crazy is it that we used to say "three and a half inch floppy" with a straight face
Finally in bed. No better time to start thinking about every possible thing that has or ever could happen.
A date with Destiny.. Cause strippers need lovin` too.
if i get a friend request from you and your profile picture is a car i`ll asume your a transformer
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" was a clever little bastard.
…and for my next trick, I will pull this dryer sheet out of my sleeve!
The real heroes are the people who live within driving distance of their in-laws.
I hate fake people...especially the ones at the mall advertising clothes in front of the stores