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One thing`s for sure when I shower with my boyfriend. My titties are spotless!!
My tombstone will read I should have googled it first.
Talking to you makes me invent new swear words.
I get a little nervous eating cucumber in a single woman`s home.
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
All the coffee beans in South America can`t make me a morning person.
My number one rule to live by is: Don’t die.
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
We spend so much money on buying different clothes... without realizing the best moments are spent without clothes
I look forward to paying off all my debt so I can get back to just being broke.
If a clown farts, does it smell funny?
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
I just slammed hard on the brakes and found 3 lighters, $4.67 in change, condom box, empty flask, half an 1/8th, and a puppy.
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they´re going to be when you kill them.
Laughing is the best medicine. But if you’re laughing for no reason, you need medicine.