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Women don`t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think.
The best revenge is happiness, because nothing drives people more crazy then seeing someone actually having a good life.
I used to work at a fire hydrant factory. I couldn`t park anywhere near the place
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
My girlfriend JUST spent the ENTIRE day arguing that she isn`t stubborn.. :|
Neighbor said hi again. I`m just gonna move
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
I don’t call it laying down anymore, I call it landscape mode.
Whoever convinces blind people that they need sunglasses,, is one heck of a salesman....
The feeling you get when a woman asks you to guess her age is like wondering whether to cut the blue wire or the green wire when defusing a bomb.
Me, a morning person? Pfft. Most days I`m not even an afternoon person.
So far this is the oldest I`ve ever been.
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.
6 FUNNIEST CONTRADICTING WORDS 1.Clearly misunderstood 2.Exact estimate 3.Small crowd 4.Found missing 5.Fully empty 6.Happily married