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I may not have the best parenting skills; but, in my defense, my kids don`t have the best childing skills, either.
If you got up this morning and ran straight to fb i am 100% POSITIVE its because you missed me.
Going back to work after 12 days off is the best way to realize I should have married for money.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
At this point in my life the only reason I want to be rich is to hire somebody to clean my house.
Actually, I prefer to smile on the `inside`, then no one knows what you`re up to....
You might be a REDNECK if you think S.T.O.P. means spin tires on pavement!! :)) lol
My key to happiness is probably lost somewhere in the junk drawer.
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
I don`t need an excuse to drink, but thank you for giving me one.
I’d slap you but I’m pretty sure they would call it animal cruelty.
Talking to me this morning is like trying to dribble a ball with not enough air in it.
Girl: What color are my eyes? Guy: 34D.
Carrots may be good for your eyes, but alcohol will double your vision.