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Coffee – because most people frown on alcohol first thing in the morning.
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
Here`s a list of helpful tips for meeting a great girl: 1. Don`t be me.
Girls are like roads, the more curves, the more dangerous they are.
You call it free samples, I call it a free all you can eat buffet.
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
If you`re really really quiet, you can hear yourself doing the world a favor.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
If rolling your eyes burned calories, Facebook would be my gym.
My ex was in a swimming competition with 19 other women today. They were doing the breaststroke. Unfortunately, she came in last place. She didn`t know she could have used her arms!
I shake my bottled water so the H`s & O`s are evenly distributed.
If you don`t take 500 selfies a day, do you even love yourself?
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.