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Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
Breaking News: Tuesdays suck just as much as Mondays.
If you borrow my laptop and the volume is at 16% go wash your hands immediately
Some days I’d like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
Stress balls work really well when you shove them down someone`s throat.
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
Group Therapy: listening to ALL your voices.
“FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!” – Mother Nature
If I’m not eating I’m most likely not happy.
If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices
If I notice an unfinished jigsaw puzzle at some`s house, I always take a piece home with me.
you know hes a keeper when you know his facebook login and password!
"nice crocs. where did you get them?" - nobody ever
Don`t judge a person for drinking; judge a person for not drinking. Those f*ckers are up to something.