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So much of my day is just keeping myself distracted until it`s time to eat again.
I spend a lot of time holding the refrigerator door open looking for the answer.
Ladies - I am still available as a great last minute Christmas gift!
If I was a mortician I`d tie the shoe laces of dead people together, so if there ever was a zombie apocalypse it would be hilarious.
Dramatically slamming a book shut upon finishing it was way more satisfying than switching my Kindle off and gently placing it on the table.
Just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
They say you are what you eat but what happens if you didn`t mean to eat it. I don`t want to be a bug.
I can almost always tell when dinosaurs in movies aren’t real.
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It just makes more work for me.
Hush little laptop don`t you cry,mumma gonna find you some more wifi.
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
If at first you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to.