Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
My mother always told me to never quit something I`m good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i`m good at being drunk!
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", has obviously never been to a nude beach
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
My dad`s TV volume is always set at "f*ck the neighbors".
I`m not "rich" ... But, actually, it depends on how you define wealth. If you`re talking about money, relationships, or happiness, then no still
There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people
"I know im the best driver on the road" thinks every guy.
I don`t work that hard, I just make everything look way more difficulat than it is...
Why don`t the post office get the Jehovah`s Witnesses to deliver the mail on Saturday? Work smarter not harder people.
Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
Indecisiveness is just mental constipation.
My doctor recommended I increase the amount of Greens in my diet...so I started drinking more Rolling Rock.
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.
new years resolution #1: stop losing the powerball