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I like the parts of the day when food happens.
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
I’m too young to be too old for everything.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
Without the sanctity of marriage there wouldn`t be job security for divorce attorneys and marriage counselors.
My mother said, "You won`t amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait."
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
If it`s the thought that counts ... Then I should probably be in jail
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
Sometimes my sarcasm is so intense that even I’m not sure if I’m kidding or not.
Ghetto Word of the Day: Window "Imma pay my baby mamma her child support. I just don’t know window".
There is a 99.9% chance I am hungry.
Boobs make me forget about all the bad things in the world.