Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."
Happy new years, my friends. Thanks for supporting the site, Ralf.
When riding in an elevator, be sure to push all the buttons. Your fellow riders will appreciate the fact that you thought of everyone.
It`s so cold Miley Cyrus got her toungue stuck on her wrecking ball
I have one question about Insanity, "Are we there yet"?
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
I’m just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy.
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
Before coffee: Hates everybody. After coffee: Feels good about hating everybody.
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know.
Ok Brazil, this would be a time when it`s ok to bite an opponent.
When I say I can cook, I mean I can melt cheese on stuff.
Do you want to hear a joke about constipation and dementia? ...Well, tough sh!t, I forgot it.