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Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or prettier than you. That would be me.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
Paint thinner? I call bullsh!t. I been painting myself with it all week and I`m still fat.
I wish they made barstools with seat belts and dual side airbags.
Hey bartender, pour me another, I see ugly people.
The Patriots defensive coverage was almost as bad as the coverage by Obamacare.
If you can’t be a good example, then you’l just have to serve as a horrible warning
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
Ever drink so much your wife makes sense? Me neither...But I keep trying
Don`t forget to get your hurricane glasses before looking at it.
love a girl with a trimmed bush because it makes it easier to see into her window at night.
I`ve seen bride magazines but have yet to see "Eager Groom" magazines.
Crazy to think back before camera phones we all used to sit in front of bathroom mirrors with sketch pads.
If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!