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Black Friday is the second closest thing to a zombie apocalypse except they want sales instead of brains.
for some reason my plans to workout never work out
I really like compliments but I don`t want anyone talking to me...
The first person who discovered how to make popcorn must have been like "WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON!"
Sorry, I didn’t get your message because I deleted it without listening.
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
he who laughs last thinks slow
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
Would you mind going with me to my next Psychologist appointment? He thinks I`m making you up.
If I`ve learned anything from these ghost hunter shows, it`s that everyone speaks English after they die.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
China has largest population not because the men are extra horny nor women are extra fertile but because... Their condoms are made in China.
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.
Those days where you don`t take anyone`s sh!t ... Yeah, today is one of those days.