Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not mature enough to be in a yoga class.
I`d be willing to sleep my way to the top if it actually meant sleeping.
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
I`m done chasing people who aren`t willing to do the same for me. After today, the ice cream man can go f*ck himself!!
However lonely you feel, you`re never alone. [There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house.] Goodnight.
I have decided to leave my past behind me.. so If I owe you money..I’m sorry. but I’ve moved on.
Manager: So, do you have any questions about the job? Me: Yeah, can I have it?
Just so you know, I am already planning on being an a$$hole tomorrow.
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
The key to eating healthy is to avoid any food that has a TV commercial.
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
I wish I had a job where I could punch stupid motherf*ckers in the face all day.
I`m just like you ... Only smarter and better looking.
Putting ketchup on steak should also affect your credit score.