Daily Silly Status

I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.

I may or may not have just tried unlocking the wrong car for 15 minutes.

Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.

Rubix cubes are EASY....when you`re color blind.

I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.

A new study has found that women find it seven times easier to read men’s facial expressions than men have reading women’s. That’s mostly because we’re not looking at their faces ...

My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.

"Nothing is impossible." I disagree. I`m doing nothing right now... it`s totally possible.

I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.

Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that`s not it. Keep thinking! We`ll figure this out.

2011: Come at me bro! 1800`s: Advance towards me brethren!

Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.

The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.

We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.

I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don`t need that negativity in my life.