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I told the monster in my closet that coming out of of there would make him gay, haha problem solved ....
Can`t wait `til I`m old enough to pretend I can`t hear.
I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
50% of people believe s@x is "the connecting of two people`s souls through two people`s bodies, as one." The other 50% are guys
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
Will you go with me to my therapist tomorrow? He thinks I`m making you up.
My wife is a perfectionist but she made an exception in my case.
Sleep is for the people without access to Internet.
Don’t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I’ve changed since then.
The key to a successful relationship: Tools > Internet Options > Clear history.
Facebook should have a limit on times you can change your relationship status... After 3 it should default to "Unstable"
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.
Just looked at the price of baby strollers. I think were gonna have an indoor baby.