Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
My internet goes out more than I do.
Summer is almost over...All you half-naked people are gonna need to find a personality.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
"She really does suck!" could be a complement in the porn industry
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
My Ex-Wife: Our relationship is like being in prison! ME: I don’t think so. People have sex in prison.
When people have cars as their profile picture I automatically presume they are a transformer.
I was asked what I would give the woman who has everything... Well, my phone number for a start.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Apparently, you shouldn’t ask your wife if she’s off her meds more than once a week…
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
Actually told a girl who`s moving to France soon that "there`s lots of French people over there". It`s a wonder how I can even bathe myself.
The general rule is that you shouldn`t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity