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To those girls who always put"CRYING" at the end of every status, seriously what do you expect us to do, inbox you a tissue?
Bought some cheese at one of those fancy cheese shops today. It was legend dairy...
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
These police take Hide and Seek really seriously.
Updating my status in the car. Don’t worry, I’m in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
The hardest part about being an adult is trying to hide how you`re still a child.
Old enough to know better, young enough to take a dare...
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
I just want to be perfect... Nah just kidding, I love being weird
Sorry, just got your text. Are we still on for last night?
Today I caught myself smiling ... I was thinking of you ... Don´t flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
I like to finish other people`s sentences because my version is better.
"I can`t wait for New Years to be over!" -my liver