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Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain.
Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
I`ve actually have come to the conclusion that some of today`s youth may actually believe "laughing out loud" is actually spelled "lol"
My wife is going to the hair salon today so for the next few hours I will be practising my reaction.
If I had a mood ring on today, it`d be flashing like a disco ball!
What`s worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?
Well, I`m really not sure what my spirt animal is but I`m sure it looks like road kill right about now.
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
I`d love to drown my problems... I just can`t get my spouse to go swimming!
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
I`m not sarcastic…I`m just intellegent beyond your understanding.
I love strapping my kids into their car seats. It’s the closest I can legally come to putting them in straitjackets.
The only thing I can fix in this world tonight is another drink.