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Why do they play this music on the elevators if we`re not suppose to slow dance.
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
The condoms need to be located in the baby aisle, next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans
I never said I hated you. I just said that if you where on fire, I would consider roasting marshmallows. Big difference.
"Is that for here or to go?" —Real estate agent selling a mobile home
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
You can run from your problems. Unless your problem is a cheetah.
There are two reasons I would never drink toilet water. Number 1 and number 2.
I put the b!tch in the kitchen.~ last thing I remember saying before I woke up in the hospital.
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
Some people are flirting with my delete & block button
Well, if you`re going to question my reputation and credentials as a gynecologist,I suggest you get the hell out of my office van.
Movie comes on while im in bed: ugh ive seen this a million times. Movie comes on before I have to get ready for work: oh hell yea a classic
Apparently people don`t like it when you lick your thumb and wipe all that black dirt off their forehead.