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You`re so dumb you have to get naked to count to 21.
Always look out for #1. Don´t step in #2 either.
Its a shame I don`t have 5 incomes to go with my 5 personalities.. Damn free loaders
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present, they are due back at the library today.
I don`t know who you are, but if you don`t stop sending me phone books, I will find you.....and I will smack you with it
Why can`t the ice cream man just get a freakin liquor license already
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
People who make really bad decisions are always like "I have the worst luck"
I like wearing glasses because I like to dramatically remove them before I say something profound. Doing that with contacts doesn`t have the same effect.
I hate it when I get too drunk and just kidding I never hate getting drunk!
In reference to why men can sleep with lots a women and it’s fine, but women can’t sleep with lots of men or else they’re whores. “If a key opens a lot of locks, it’s a master key. But if a lock is opened by a lot of different keys, it’s just a sh!tty lock.”
I hate to be one of those who post cliffhangers but...
Is it yoga if you wear sweatpants all day and then hunch over the garbage can as you eat a burrito?