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I have this condition that prevents me from going on a diet. I get hungry.
My wife and I are dieting now… and by dieting, I mean we’re not telling each other about the junk food we eat.
It`s so cold outside I had to put Jack in my Coke to keep it from freezing.
I don`t need to go to church in order to feel ashamed of myself on Sunday morning.
this is a status you spent your time reading: sj
"Last man standing" is the winner in most contests, but the runner up in musical chairs.
Being the fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
My relationship status? Last night, in the elevator, I told a girl she had nice shoelaces.
Inventor of camping: "Hey, let`s go pretend to be homeless."
Arguing with people in the comments section is like crack for me. I don`t do it.
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
I think that work and microwave minutes are longer than regular minutes.
I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
Why is it all the good things in life are either illegal, immoral, impossible, addictive, or fattening?