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Never trust a person with only one Facebook photo of themselves.
Hump Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are a thousand better ways to spend your time and yet here you are with me.
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
No pornhub I do not want to share this video with my friends & family on Facebook
Christmas is all about getting your entire dysfunctional family under one roof, hoping the cops don`t get called and nobody gets arrested.
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
Happy Halloween… may all of your skeletons stay in the closet where they belong!
You´re never too old to learn something stupid.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
I think 90% of the software on my computer doesn`t do anything except send me notices that there`s a new version of it!
Illiterate? Well then sign up today for free online reading classes!
I wanna be rich enough to have 11 little people who run out of my closet every morning dressed as a nascar pit crew to make my bed really fast.