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My salad pic. got more likes than your selfie.
Birthday sex is just like regular sex but you are dissapointed that more people didn`t come.
Internet dating: the odds are good but the goods are odd.
I was having breakfast at a friend`s house and she said "How do you take your coffee?" I said "Very seriously."
My best relationship advice: Make sure you`re the crazy one.
For lent, I`m giving up sexual innuendos but it`s hard... so hard!
I hate being bi-polar. It`s awesome.
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
Well, I`m going to take a hot shower. Its like a regular shower, but with me in it.
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
When I first went on the pill, I put on some weight. Which proved to be a very effective contraceptive.
There are people on Facebook who don`t realize the difference between "What`s on your mind" or "I should talk to a therapist about this"
Practising my breast stroke, so if I ever get a girlfriend I dont do it wrong...
With all the new car technology you would think someone could invent a side mirror that could show where an object actually appears.
I`ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I`m actually talking to someone.