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I`m definitely the drunkest person in this ball pit.
I am currently watching the Holy Grail of horror movies. There are 10 minutes left and the black guy is still alive.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
There is no number for what just happened in that bathroom.
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
I scratch my a$$ way to much to chew my fingernails...
I hope that man who was walking in memphis found out the way he really felt
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
Facebook keeps telling me people are following me. But, every time I look behide me there`s nobody there? Why does facebook keep lying to me?
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
Nothing says " My divorce didn`t go as planned " quite like the guy with grocery bags hanging on the sides of his bicycles handlebars