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Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am.
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
Such a relief when things I`ve been meaning to do become things I meant to do but now it`s too late.
Please, Lord, let me prove that winning the lottery won´t spoil me.
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
My favourite part about amazingly hot, energetic, passionate sex. Is being able to rewind the tape & watch it again.
Next time you see someone you don`t like, begin conversation with "I see the assassins have failed."
Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn`t already know that.
I’m awkward when people compliment me. “Nice hair” “Thanks, I grew it myself”
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
If you’re a douchebag, it’s so easy to find the right hat.
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.
I pulled my wife`s panties to the side.......then put the rest of her socks in the drawer.