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Accidentally bought a bag of raw almonds. Turns out I don`t like almonds, I like salt.
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
Guys are at their mathematical best when a girl says she is pregnant. Agree or nah??
I honestly don’t care if you think I’m crazy. You’re just a figment of my imagination anyway.
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
If Monday was a movie, it would be very long and boring.
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.
Some people come into your life as blessings, others come into your life as lessons.