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The block button is just the adult version of sticking your fingers in your ears and repeating "I can`t hear you" over and over
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
I want a doorbell that makes the sound of someone knocking on the door.
I thought I was having déjà vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
I bet if the movie "mirrors" releases part 3, the 1st victim will die while trying to take a selfie
I hardly know you…. but, Facebook says it’s your birthday, so happy birthday!
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
When nobody`s home, I tighten the top to every jar and bottle in the house.
Kids, because why would you want to sleep on more than 6 inches of your king size bed?
Accidentally walking through the camping aisle at Target every once in a while is about as outdoorsy as I get.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
Shouldn’t the Air and Space museum be empty?
A homeless guy asked me for money today and I thought, sure, he’s probably just gonna spend it on booze and cigarettes. Then I remembered, that’s what I was gonna do, so we walked to the store together.
I think I can survive on Mars since they found water for my coffee.