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When I want your opinion, I’ll give it a funny voice.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
I think the tie was invented by someone who wanted to express how he felt about work but thought an actual noose was too obvious.
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
A lot of people do not realize that the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun.
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
My Living Will says it`s okay to pull the plug on me, but I`d like them to at least try jiggling it a few times first.
It might look like I`m doing nothing, but at the cellular level I`m quite busy.
Over 400 billion people a year are victims of exaggerated statistics.
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
The reason swans mate for life is because they don`t talk.
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
Don’t you hate when the person you’re Facebook-stalking never updates anything.
Two things everybody wants: 1) Lose weight. 2) Eat.
I think germs are so nice for waiting 5 seconds before attacking food that falls on the floor.