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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
This day needs more tomfoolery!
What doesn`t kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
Who named them veterinarians and not "dogtors"?
I think sharks eat people just to be on tv.
Bars are Weird Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product
Sometimes Google should just come back with an answer that says, `Trust me, you don`t want to know.`
My favorite breed of dog? Good question, thanks for asking. Either a corndog or a hotdog.
Ever been in the middle of writing a great post and think, did I just run someone over?
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
ready for bed - gunna give my sheets some arse and my pillows head;]
I like to walk by a chick in slow motion so she thinks i`m the one
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.