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Word on the street is... Lol. Jk. I don`t go outside.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI
Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
Wait till the people so excited about all-day breakfast at McDonald`s find out they can make breakfast at home whenever they want.
The most dangerous drinking game is seeing how long I can go without coffee.
Well it’s time to go from sitting on my office chair, to sitting in traffic, to sitting on my couch. I’m very skilled at sitting.
What makes fancy green beans fancy?
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
My car is equipped with the best anti-theft device. I call it "No air conditioning".
You don`t know true competition until you`re one of the last two people in musical chairs.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
Sex, drugs and candy crush all have one thing in common. It`s only an addiction if you start paying for it.