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Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
The most annoying are those people in great shape at the gym…. I’m like, “What are you doing here? You’re done.”
Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
Happy Saturday… the day you can put as much booze into your coffee as you’d like to put in on Monday.
Just so we’re on the same page, I’m on 43.
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
My husband told me that he would leave me if I didn`t give up all my bad habbits.....I nearly choked on my toe nail!
Video games don`t encourage violence nearly as much as piñatas do.
I have no interest in skydiving. I get enough of an adrenaline rush hoping my debit card goes through.
We all have that one friend that needs to learn how to whisper.
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads.
"Better to be pissed off than pissed on!" Actually, I prefer a third scenario where I`m not angry or covered in piss.
If the shoe fits, buy it.