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When I was younger, it was wine, women & song. Now I am older, it`s beer, the old lady & TV!
Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
Sometimes I speak in a different font but no one ever notices.
I saw that! - Karma
I missed that one episode of The Walking Dead where they show us how the zombies keep everyone`s lawns so freshly mowed.
Marriage is for quitters
You’d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their ass in the mirror they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
My wife told me: "Sex is better on vacation." That wasn`t a very nice postcard to receive.
I know the voices ain`t really, but man, do they ever come up with some great ideas.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching.
Looks like you have a lot on your mind. Do you wanna drink about it?
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
I’m going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.