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If I could choose any one mythological creature to become alive & real, I`d have to pick: My girlfriend.
I`m trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can`t find any Twinkie seeds. :/
They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
I hide from people too, so I get it bigfoot, I get it.
Screw getting an alarm system. I`ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
I`m beginning to think they invented the wireless mouse just so there was one less thing to use to hang yourself with at work.
My friends are weird. They keep vegetables in their beer crisper. Freaks
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
That awkward moment when kids see a toy they want on TV but the can`t get it because their parents must be 18 or older.
I think my TV remote has developed some sort of Romulan cloaking technology.
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
I`m awesome ... Don`t question it, just deal with it.
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.