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Wrapping these baby carrots in Tootsie Roll wrappers is exhausting but the payoff will be worth it come Halloween.
This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job.
Hating everything saves countless hours of decision making.
My new plan is to ignore my problems until they become hilarious stories.
Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
I just got a paper cut opening a box of Pop Tarts. There will be no more fancy breakfasts around here.
Iām not lazy, Iām on energy saving mode.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
I`ll be damned if after the 5 longest minutes of my life i am going to "allow to cool in microwave for 1 minute"!
Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it`s an intervention.
Marriage is supposed to be permanent. It`s like a tattoo that yells at you.
You have no idea how funny I am to me.
I kinda like zombies...but can we go ahead & decide whether they can run fast or just walk? ... my apocolypse plans depend on it ... thanks!
"My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I`m not coming in" - No guy, ever.