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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
How the hell do you call Batman during the day?
The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
The awkward moment when you’re that one friend who always gives relationship advice but is still single.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a regular pigeon.
If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
Never let the printer know that you are in a hurry.
I made this margarita with my kids` slushie machine ... Don`t judge
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
I just saw the neighbor`s kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat. I`m thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn`t supposed to.
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
The closest I ever got to murdering is when I held a Oreo cookie in milk until the bubbles stop.
This is supposed to be funny but I got nothing but do me a favour and like this...Yeah, okay, IM DESPERATE -.-
In the word "scent" is it the s that is silent or the c?