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Apparently this Walmart cashier only brushes her favorite teeth.
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?" I said: "Of course I would. I`d miss you, but I`d still love you."
When I drink alcohol.. everyone says I`m an alcoholic. But.. When I drink Fanta.. no one says I`m fantastic.
Not remembering where I set my drink down must be the same feeling parents have when they lose their four year old at the mall.
Ziploc`s idea of how big a sandwich should be is very different from mine.
I saw a Facebook ad for burial plots and I thought, that`s the last thing I need.
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
Okay kids don`t ever talk to strangers or take candy from strangers or go to stranger`s houses except on the day we worship the devil.
Swiss army knives are only like 8% knife.
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.
on a scale of 1-10 how honest are you? I would say 10 but then i would be lying!
The only thing instant glue sticks to instantly is fingers.
My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn`t have sex.