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I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won`t ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
"I`m $50 away from getting free shipping which is only $5 and what I want is $12 so I need to spend $38 more to save money." -my brain
You would never know I had a college degree if you saw how many times I tried to push when it says pull.
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
Iām that kind of person who between two choices always pick the wrong one.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, Do you want to save the changes?
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
In terms of procrastination, I`ve had a very productive day.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
"I get knocked down, but I get up again, You`re never gonna keep me down" ~Bowling pins
I lost my mood ring today. Not sure how to feel about it
Some tattoo artists need to just say, "no, I`m not doing this sh!t."
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands