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My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
I try to avoid nice people, so they can stay that way.
To the guys complaining about lack of sex from their woman: supply & demand. Supply better product, they`ll demand it more. -Bfanch
When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do!
Yoga pants are just push up bras for your butt.
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
It takes balls to be a man.
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
My phone tried to autocorrect "f*cking" to "f*ck king," and I was like hell yeah I am.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
Something tells me that girl with the word "Princess" tattooed on her neck isn`t really Royalty.
Sorry I mixed 50,000 instant pudding packets into your above ground pool
Every pizza is a personal pizza if you eat the entire thing.