Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
I try to avoid picking up turtles on the side of the road. Just in case they are in the middle of a race.
When I woke up today, I had no plans to be awesome, it just happened.
I hate it when I walk through a metal detector, and my abs of steel set it off.
Next time you over hear a stranger giving out their number. Text them details of what they are wearing. It`s so fun to watch them freak out!
Thank you Super Bowl for reminding all Americans how bad we really are at understanding Roman numerals
Marriage is for quitters
It`s like my kids don`t even believe how cool I was in the 80s.
I put a dollar in one of those change machines once. Nothing changed.
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
I hope this snowstorm doesn`t impact my schedule of aimlessly wasting my day online.....
And remember friends, condoms aren`t always protective....my friend was wearing one and he fell down the stairs