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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
Some people need to calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
My internet went down for about 5 minutes earlier....so I talked to my family.....they seem like nice people!
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, and that’s how science works.
Just finished my first book yesterday. 450 pages. Man, that was a lot of coloring...
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you’re a terrible person and had it coming.
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back... Without the receipt, apparently.
I`ll go to great lengths to scavenge other devices for batteries, before I will go out to buy new ones
Reason number 347 why I hate Facebook: A guy from high school posted 11 new photos all with the caption "me"
If a post is really good you will read it twice. if a post is really good you will read it twice.
Words and phrases I hope do not appear in my obituary: "Skeletal remains", "Dumpster", "Beyond recognition", "Decapitated", "Dental records", "Shallow grave", "Strewn", and "Suicide by Cop."
I broke a mirror now I`m looking at 7 years bad luck... but my lawyer thinks he can get me off with 3
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.